


Things We've Learned from the Fire

by matan4il



Series: Ara [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Smut, sexuality exploration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-14 12:27:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matan4il/pseuds/matan4il
Summary: An exploration of Robert and Aaron's sexuality and what they learned during their affair about it and through it, about themselves.This is a fic I've wanted to write ever since I've discovered the Robron story. It ended up being an amalgamation of a few things that accumulated over my time in fandom, I hope it's enjoyable all the same...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of a few past partners and implied reference to Aaron's past child sexual abuse. Mostly canon compliant up to this point, some future bits. A weird combination of eventual smut and fluff galore.
> 
> Dedicated to Isabellaofparma, who cheered me on, allowed me to consult her and was generally the beautiful person that she is. Thank you, darling!

Aaron learned to be a considerate lover very early on. You had to be if you wanted to keep partners you were not even honestly interested in satisfied, thus reaffirming your pretense. And he did also like both the girls he slept with, so he did want sex with him to be good for them. He wanted to make the effort for Vic, it felt less like he was exploiting her that way. Then even more so for Holly, because by then it was becoming even clearer to him who he truly was and that it was really her brother that he fancied. It was a silent apology for how he had no choice but to use their bodies, a way of giving them something back. Then again, if he were to be completely honest, it was a little bit for his ego as well. He did want them to see him as he needed everyone to believe he was, a virile, straight young man. And he desperately hoped they would not see the self-loathing that coursed through him while they were in bed together. All of that translated into doing his best, focusing on them and their needs more than his own. Into being pleased with himself even, when he felt he had succeeded. He went as far as to fish around for some information on the internet on how to satisfy a lover. He did his homework and neither young woman complained.

His experience with them came in handy the first time Aaron let himself have something that he actually wanted. Jackson teased him about it, once. About how that couldn't have possibly been Aaron's initiation with a man because he was too good at it. No one was that skilled their first time around, Jackson determined. Aaron just frowned and didn't bother dispelling that ridiculous notion. Sex with a man was different, yeah, but it wasn't _that_ different. More importantly, they were both far too aware of the fact that it was indeed his first experience with another guy and of the self-hatred that led to that situation. So they didn't quite have a conversation about it, nor did they discuss anything about the other issue. About Aaron's reaction during the one attempt that Jackson made to top. They don't say a thing about how quickly Aaron maneuvered him away from that. Flipped them over and took charge. Made it so good for Jackson that he got no protests from the older guy. There was never another attempt made in that direction, Jackson probably figured that this was just another layer of fear regarding sexuality that continued to exist in Aaron. Jackson had no idea what really happened and there was no reason to correct him. What he didn't know about Gordon, what he didn't grasp about Aaron's brief moment of panic and subsequent cover up, would never hurt him. But then, if they never got around to a discussion on this, it was also aided by the fact that they ended up having a rather short physical relationship between their constant fighting and later, the accident. In a way, knowing he would not have to be put on the spot and answer why he was so unwilling to bottom made it easier for Aaron to stay by Jackson's side when that happened, despite some initial hesitation on what that meant he'd be giving up. 

Aaron did find himself trying again, much later on. It was a while before the end of his relationship with Ed. They were residing in France and life had a different rhythm there. Living together was different. And people, even the people surrounding them there were so very different, so sexually open and permissive. Aaron listened to them, watched them and found a part of him filling up with envy. He wanted to be able to let go and experience what it was like to be taken care of during sex, to not be the one putting in all the effort and consideration. To be selfish and greedy in bed too and to believe that sometimes, he had the right to be. He wanted to experience the emotions he saw playing out on other people's faces. 

Aaron did try. It didn't work. Two, three times of him pushing Ed away at the very last moment, especially after Aaron was the one suggesting it and without being able to offer a good explanation for why, and it was starting to get personal for his boyfriend. It wasn't the end of the two of them. But it was the start of it. After that, Aaron didn't see a reason to try anymore. He found that random one night stands coupled with a gruff declaration that he only ever tops worked well together. Not only did he get no arguments, but in fact he discovered many were happy to jump at the opportunity. How eager so many of them were just proved the point to Aaron, that he was missing out on something good. But that's the way it had to be. It was just another thing that Gordon had taken from him. Temporary, emotionless sex that covered up the truth about his past would just have to do. 

By the time Robert comes along, Aaron is so settled into this reality that it makes it easier than it otherwise should have been to entertain the idea of having a one off with an engaged, closeted man that would mean absolutely nothing to him.


	2. Chapter 2

Robert has known since he was a teenager and as it turned out, it did not make a bit of a difference. He's known that it wasn't just girls he was looking at, it was boys as well. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when the realization became clear enough to be put into words, but the young lad that his dad had hired to help on the farm had made it not just clear, but impossible to doubt. The kiss they shared was short. By now he can't even remember exactly what it felt like. Maybe it was sweet, too. Maybe if his father had not barged in, he would have found some real enjoyment there. As it was, the memory brought him mostly pain, some of it a physical ghost on his skin. Most of it the pain of his dad's rejection. Jack Sugden's fury at what his son was. Robert has known what he was, what he couldn't help but be, so he knew he would never deserve a different reaction. Life led him down a quirky path, forcing him to leave the village, the one place he belonged in. As the car's wheels put more and more distance between himself and Emmerdale, he promised himself it didn't matter, none of it did, he was going to see to it that what he has known would make no difference to his future.

There was a while there where Robert had no clue what to do with himself, so the only option was to go seek the only family he was aware of outside of his village. That didn't go as brilliantly as one might have hoped. They took him in, but they never grew attached to him, nor he to them, despite their connection to his deceased mother. It might have seemed like a wasted opportunity, but one might argue that this was the only outcome to be expected when a young man has been shown that he must be weary of his own flesh and blood. And if before, Robert had moments of pettiness or selfishness, now he was full on self-serving, which they didn't seem to particularly like. At least they never kicked him out and the period of time he had spent with them was enough to set him on his course. He studied while there, just long enough to find one employment opportunity that led to another. He was always seeking out further connections that would lead him to a yet bigger company and to a higher rank still. It eventually got him to work for Lawrence White and wasn't it the luckiest thing that the old man was obviously gagging for Robert. For any young cock, probably. Just the perfect set up to get to the highest levels of the company. All he needed was a more permanent in. He had no intentions of fucking Lawrence, after all. 

Not that Robert was prudish about this sort of thing. He was completely aware of how some deals were made in the business world. And a part of his re-education was to kick the normal conventions his dad appreciated. In that vein, Robert slept with whoever he fancied, showed no discrimination for whether it was guys or gals and just aimed to have himself as much fun as he could possibly get. Got off on how seductive he could be. And kept it all neatly separate from his real life, the one in which he was constantly working to prove his worth. Robert was honing every skill he had at his disposal, including keeping his depraved sexual encounters and morally grey connections apart from the respectable life he had to achieve. It was even better than simply living up to your parents' expectations. He was working on fulfilling them while getting a thrill from subverting them as well, all on the down low, the power of being able to do it a rush all on its own. 

No, it wasn't some misplaced sense of morality that kept Robert from fucking the old man into a nicer office. It was the longer game that he was playing. He always studied his marks. And he was well informed, even before his first day at the firm, when it came to the two White Sisters. He would have them both, then decide which one to keep. And by 'keep', he meant 'everything'. The company, the money, the status, the power, the lifestyle. He was even willing to sacrifice some of his hedonistic ways once the engagement was announced, promising himself he would not mess this up, he would not lose what he had gained. The life that even his father would not be able to look down upon, power and heteronormativity all in one little upper class bundle. And if pleasure loving, norm-bending Robert was still lurking just underneath, well. No one needed to be let in on that. He could keep it to himself as the ultimate sweet, spiteful secret. 

Imagine Robert's revolt at being told that just when he was about to see all of his greatest, most ambitious plans on the verge of being accomplished, Lawrence was getting ready to move them all back to Emmerdale. It was like he saw through Robert and didn't like what he perceived there. It was like his dad was there, seeing through the charade. Through the thin veneer he had built, which was collapsing back on him. The tension between him and Lawrence then had no other choice but to burst into an open conflict with much less pretense, but Robert's ability to act was somewhat limited due to Chrissie's wishes. She sided with Lawrence over him, which made his blood boil and old memories of an adopted brother resurface. Another piece of his past he would have to face on. Robert was in no mood for any of it and he was determined that this move would change nothing. He would still get it all for himself and _none_ of it would make a difference.


	3. Chapter 3

Aaron is going on nothing but pure instinct now. That's a risk, he knows that, yet he can't help but think about all of the little signs he has picked up on, the things he's been able to read in Robert's demeanor. They were all guesses that shouldn't have panned out. Robert Sugden – rich, snobbish, soon to be married, heterosexual man – is not supposed to be there, lying on top of him and kissing him desperately in the backseat of a customer's car in a lowly garage. But here they are.

So, risk taking it is then. Aaron goes with his gut feeling and it tells him exactly when he can shove Robert down. It interrupts the trail of kisses that those bloody maddening lips were busy leaving along Aaron's chest, gently licking against skin and scar alike with no questions asked, unlike what most people's first reaction is. Humming delightedly while kissing, as if it is a thing of beauty, what's he's doing. It's so much more than can be contained and Robert's head has to be pushed down to Aaron's hips with one hand while his other is already working to push his briefs out of the way and release his cock right into blondie's face. Robert doesn't seem to even blink at the shove and Aaron is graced with the sight of that luscious crown of hair, bright against the stretches of bare flesh, lowered down in one smooth motion. It's almost like Robert is melting into this, lets himself be placed exactly where they both need him to be. Aaron gets to feel those plush lips wrapping themselves up teasingly around his dick, tongue occasionally darting out playfully at the slit or lapping at the underside vein. 

This is not a beginner's blowjob and damnit if Robert is not perfect at this. He alternately licks and moans and sucks, so evidently getting off on giving head that it's getting Aaron even harder in that hot mouth, if that's possible. It doesn't take long before it all starts to be more rhythmic, Robert's movements along the shaft become more prolonged, taking Aaron in deeper. And that's when it becomes obvious that Aaron can start pushing his way in further, demanding more. He finds the perfect moment and tilts his hips slightly up at Robert, hits the back of his throat, hears the groan and gets to sense the satisfaction in it reverberate through him. It's gorgeous, the way Robert gives over naturally and Aaron knows he'll get no opposition, he can take this a little further still. He tangles his hand in that thick, inviting hair, guiding both of their movement cycles to coincide, Robert speared down on his dick precisely when Aaron is shoving in. Then suddenly, from underneath his grip, a pair of blue eyes stares back up at Aaron, so shockingly bright and clear that he almost falters. Truth be told, over the years and with the mentality he's developed, Aaron has had more than his fair share of closet cases. They're unbearably closed off during sex. Oh, they can be up for anything sexually, but they're always still locked in behind their neat walls, thinking those somehow protect them from catching the gay. That's what made them perfect for his purposes. Robert's eyes meet Aaron's head on. It's only a brief second. It feels like it lasts forever. Maybe it does, since for a second Aaron thinks it must have been instantly etched onto his soul. 

He tightens his hold on Robert's head, pushes it almost painfully back down as he changes angle and thrusts in fully. Aaron shoots his load straight down Robert's throat, so deep in that it feels like coming right in his stomach. Still spasming, Aaron draws back a little, just enough to let his seed fill Robert's mouth as well, leave a taste on that talented tongue. More than one sexual partner has mentioned it to Aaron, that his sperm tastes unusually good, and he wants to make sure Robert gets to experience that. It never seemed to matter before, but it does now. Once Aaron slumps back, he's surprised to find that Robert is looking even more blissed out than he probably does. He sends one hand traveling down along the smooth, exposed chest, pulls Robert close so he could reach his crotch and return the favor. Aaron's fingers are fervent, while in contrast, he draws Robert in with his other hand to kiss him lazily, mind bustling over with thoughts he would prefer repressing. He can feel this tryst drawing to its inevitable end. 

Aaron is sure of quite a few realities about himself. That he doesn't like anything too overtly soppy, for one thing. That he'd die for his family and friends. That planet Earth may not be flat after all, but as long as he can still get the cars that he fixes to run smoothly on its roads, he doesn't give a toss about that. That, if he were to think about his school days, he has never been the best of students. But even back then, he was willing to learn new things. The first time Robert blows him, the first time they share a physical intimacy, Aaron discovers that he can actually want someone more after fucking them than before he did.


	4. Chapter 4

Sex with Aaron was a revelation. No, screw that, everything with Aaron was a revelation, there was a spark of surprise (and a certain delight in being taken aback) in almost every turn and in each one of their interactions from the get go, which only intensified the closer Robert got. Aaron was a revelation and a revolution that Robert probably didn't do enough to fight against, but God help him, he did try. His first reaction to finding out Aaron was gay wasn't to have him right there and then, in the bathrooms of the pub, was it? People don't give him enough credit for that. They have no idea of the temptation. No, instead he went home and suggested to Chrissie that they set a wedding date, like the good little boy he was meant to be. Tied himself down, tried to solidify his commitment. Another stumble stone in his path if Aaron would prove to be too tempting. Robert even pressured her not to put it off too far into the future, it was clear to him that he would need this to weigh him down. He was aware that no one will see it this way, but he did do his utmost to fight off the constant need he felt to be near Aaron, to get to know him. And to have him see, really see, who Robert is.

How could that commitment be enough of a weapon, though, how could Robert possibly sate a thirst so strong that it made him confess what Lawrence had denied him at his mom's grave to a seemingly common thief? When earlier that day, a thoughtful suggestion from his fiancée that might have given him closure was not enough to derail the plans he had already laid out for the burglary. Plans that involved Aaron. How can anyone quench a thirst that made him take the further risk of leaving a yet another trail linking him to the break in at Home Farm by offering Aaron money for having returned the stolen ring? When he didn't even have a clue what he was hoping for in return. A thirst that only grew at feeling the man's raw physical power as he was manhandling Robert, thrusting him against the wall. Sex with Aaron? That was the culmination of so many things Robert couldn't help but want from him. 

It's why Robert's defenses all failed. Why there was no other option for them but to fail. Why Robert had to go back to Aaron again and again, coffee and other offerings in tow, even before he had the chance to see what it was like to kiss his lips. It's why Robert had to flee family meals when Aaron was nearby, anything to avoid his mere presence. Why he had to be insulting and dismissive when he was being offered precisely the companionship he was craving. Aaron invaded him right from the start. 

Robert tried to push that away, attempted to contain himself by chasing away a frown – at seeing Aaron return from a night out – with a smirk, knowing who it was that drove him to go out in the first place. But the harder he tried, the more spectacularly it was destined to fail. The very same day, no less. It wasn't Chrissie's jealousy that was the final straw, nor whether or not she was justified. It was how he saw himself in her eyes at that moment when she was trying to control his interactions with someone she suspected was trying to come on to him: small and on a string. Her own personal puppet. A boy toy, there for her pleasure and amusement, playing the role of a partner, but not fully being seen as equal. The life his father would have approved of, that he was working so hard for, that he was denying himself what he wanted for, drained of true content. 

It was the layby that he chose and the scenario of a broken-down car. Because it's not romantic. And this, however it was going to shape out, was meant to be none of that. Even then, he hesitated. Checking Aaron out as he looked the car over. Feeling the fire at the pit of his stomach growing and scorching his insides. Staring at Aaron's lips, being so close to knowing what they felt like against his own. Even then. This struggle. This all-consuming sense of just how good it was going to be and how terrifying that is. 

Then. This kiss. 

And Robert was so overtaken, the kiss was so much of everything he was hoping for and even more, that he was almost going to give in and shag Aaron right there, at the side of the road. Where anyone could see them. Which was not, in fact, a part of the original plan he had prepared. When that realization clicked, Robert had to go, he had to go right at that moment. He had to run. So he did. He couldn't run far enough. Not even bedding his fiancée as if nothing had changed that afternoon could calm him down. Instead, her statement that she knew him better than anyone else terrified him. She got it wrong. Still, he found himself repelled by the idea that she would have such a hold on him and was determined to put more of a distance between them than she could have imagined there already was. It made the perfect excuse to succumb to the compulsion that had him running back. To Aaron, to wherever he was, to stand before him, feel the pull between them and let it take over right there and then, no matter the risk involved. The bloody garage, if that's where it was meant to happen. 

It's the first time that they fuck and after having waited for so long, Robert is very quiet. Oh, not outwardly. He moans as loudly as all hell, but he's very quiet about the things that he wants to express most of all. Those words, which echo surprise and amazement, desperation and content the likes of which Robert has never known before, those words are unthinkable. He chokes on them just as surely as he's choking on Aaron's dick, inexplicably more at peace than he can remember ever being. Robert doesn't like things he can't explain. His running is evidently not over.


	5. Chapter 5

Pure instinct. It's buzzing in Aaron's ears. He's never had anything else to go on when it comes to Robert. Nothing else to guide him through when he finds that, despite themselves, they return to each other for more than a one off. They're naked in bed and reaching, delirious and kissing wildly, horny as all fuck and bruising each other's flesh. It's better than anything Aaron's ever experienced, it hits every spot and leaves him wanting more. He licks and bites at the side of Robert's neck, his hands tangled in short hair, pulling closer, begging wordlessly. More. Aaron can't ever remember wanting so much, was never the man to try and make others jealous with faux-flirting or to bash a car because of a guy. Something about him was being transformed already. And then Robert is there, all over him with mouth and hands that make the world spin out of control, stripping Aaron of anything but instinct. Robert is there, wanting more too. Access. Aaron's mind registers the tongue at his arse, checking there's permission by carefully darting out as his insides are imploding. He closes his eyes and lets what he has left take over, lets himself open up like he never thought he would. Doesn't ponder what makes it so easy this time. Gives himself over.

By the time Robert shifts position, Aaron has been floating among the stars that exploded behind his shut eyelids for God only has an idea how long. He's sweating and writhing. Hands twisted in the sheets, he's been moaning the entire time. He only realizes this when Robert's finally starting to enter him slowly. It tears a cry out of Aaron's throat and it's so hoarse, he can finally hear himself. Impulse connects his cry with his thighs, clinging tighter to Robert. His hands shoot up to the broad shoulders hovering above him. His fingertips slide over the muscles there. He's drawing Robert in without urging him on, letting this unfold at its own pace. He's holding on to this new physical connection between them. He's discovering. 

Robert's moves are languid, starting from the hips and ending with his lips finding Aaron's, kissing him with drawn out deliberation. Aaron's never felt more kissed, more tasted in his life. He feels admiring hands at his sides, at his chest, at his neck. His mind reels. More. He sucks Robert's tongue in deeper, feels the man above him, inside him, inching his way in with absolutely no rush until Robert bottoms out. And the thing is that he's full of him, Aaron is so full of Robert, inside his body, bursting out of the seams, coming out from every pore, taking up the space between the atoms that make up Aaron's body, he can feel Robert everywhere that he can't think of any other way he wants to be. The fullness is overwhelming. It's growing and Aaron feels like he is too, everything is intensifying along with it. 

Aaron doesn't weep while Robert shags him tenderly, but if he did, it would be out of bliss. Sex wasn't a beautiful thing up until that point. First, it was a thing of necessity, then of self-realization and soon enough after that, there was pleasure in it for him, too. Yet, it wasn't a thing of beauty. Until now, it is. Aaron needs this to last as long as it possibly can. And to let go of questions like how it could be that, out of all possible people, it's Robert Sugden who is making it beautiful. 

In a sense, the fact that it is Robert allows him a few liberties. Like unburdening himself of responsibility. For the first time, it is someone else's turn to be in charge. Aaron doesn't have to do anything but take it all in, every thrust, every lick, and let it flow out of him in a stream of ever increasing sounds. Because no, he doesn't have to be quiet and focused on someone else's needs. He can take up as much space as he needs to, be heady with the luxuriousness of it, stretch his limbs or contract them as he pleases to direct Robert to where he needs him, getting him right to the spot that Aaron's only explored in other people's bodies. It's making him more and more frantic, despite his best intentions, his legs and arms wrapped around Robert, collecting all they can from him, stealing the man's breaths when Aaron feels like he's running out of his own. He can tell it's getting to Robert too. The satisfied grin at the edge of his kisses starts giving way to muttering and soon enough he's clinging to Aaron, picking up the pace without any encouragement. Holding on for dear life. How is it possible to be held like that? Aaron returns the squeeze with every part of his body, with everything that is engulfing Robert, hears something that would have probably been a curse if it weren't for the way that their mouths are still hovering half inside the other's, unable to pull all the way apart. There's a new form in all of this, a new way of giving. Aaron's orgasm hits him like an exclamation mark, like an answer to questions he didn't dream of asking. It's as soundless as the eye of a storm. It's intense and clenches even more around Robert, who whimpers, he freaking whimpers, his pelvis stuttering into a climax. Aaron's filled inside with a sense of warmth and satisfaction. He never would have dreamt it could be like this. 

Robert's whole figure slumps down and his head drops onto the chest beneath him. Something vibrates in Aaron at the sensation of the silky hair there, right over his heart. He could forget himself like this. Whatever else happens between them, Robert has given him back something he thought gone forever. Changed him. The thought extends and curls in his mind, slowly dissipating as Aaron gradually drifts off into a worry-free sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

The truth is that somehow, Aaron always manages to make Robert tremble, makes him weak in the knees. There are the rarer occasions when all it takes is a verbal charge, like when Aaron used the term 'bisexual' in regards to him, right after their first time getting off in the garage. And Robert could feel something shake, a brick in some wall coming loose a bit. Most times, however, it involves Aaron's tongue in a more physical context. Robert could come just thinking about it, even while he was sat in his office with his fiancée talking to him right there. He can't quite explain it at first, this effect. He's had so many people and none have caused this reaction in him. Not that he let too many of them get anywhere near close enough to invoke anything of this nature. Even when he did have someone more than once, it was always a string of one off's and no more.

That made it all the more inexplicable when he let Aaron take him out on a ride during his time of distress, without as much as the pretext of sex being on the cards. He simply agreed to be taken anywhere. As it turned out, that meant for a drink in a bar that was actually the worst option imaginable to Robert. The gay bar pricked his skin, forced him to want to jab back. When he did lash out in return, at Aaron, the retort he got wasn't to his liking. 'Maybe I'm the only one who knows you at all' rang in his ear, so similar to Chrissie's earlier assertion. Yet frightfully, it also struck him as truer. He should have run a mile after that, should have stopped whatever this was and not looked back once. He wasn't supposed to be staring at Aaron the very next day at the café. Wasn't supposed to find something pulling at his chest as he realized that the mechanic had put himself on the line at the garage for the sake of their little trip the day before. Robert certainly wasn't supposed to get jealous over Aaron with stupid Adam Barton. 

In all honesty, Robert was supposed to be the one bringing about this trembling in others. He has fucked and sucked and been sucked. He has taken his fill of pleasure and left others begging for more without giving them a second thought. He never let anyone fuck him. He learned early on, you don't give away that kind of power over you to strangers and ever since Robert had been forced away from his home all those years ago, every person he came across was designated, to some degree, a stranger. Including the woman he came to be engaged to. It's how it had to be. 

Why then is he lying naked in Aaron's arms, heart beating louder than it ever has before? Why is Robert parting his legs when Aaron nudges silently for him to? And not despite himself, either. An unfamiliar desire overtakes him, growls through him and he learns that he wants to spread himself open for Aaron. That he's excited to take the offered fingers into his mouth, encapsulating them with his tongue and with the muscles working in his throat. That it thrills him to have Aaron's eyes on him as Robert dedicatedly sucks on the digits that would shortly penetrate him. None of this should be happening and yet, his mind and body seem to be coming alive more than ever before at the mere prospect of it. 

Aaron holds him with one arm around his shoulders and never stops looking straight into his eyes as a first slicked finger begins to circle Robert's hole. It's a strange sensation to do this together, vulnerable and trusting and filthy all at once. Robert stares back at Aaron, grips at him and breathes. Hears his own panting get louder, feels his need build up more intensely. Digs his fingernails in and nods. Cries out and throws his head forward, letting it lean momentarily when Aaron's digit pushes in. Breathes. Gets lost between the finger in his arse, gently prodding him and Aaron's fingertips on his shoulder, drawing calming, encouraging patterns there, between the safety and support that the crook of Aaron's neck offers him and the softness of the kiss planted on Robert's temple. He shifts his legs around a bit, to feel the firmness of Aaron's against his own, and it ends up pulling the finger further in. Robert groans. It burns and it's incredible. His body, the room it's fighting to make for Aaron inside. Grabbing at him. Desperately, like at a missing piece. Robert rolls his head a little against Aaron's chest, dizzy. Swears and begs. Can't take it. Needs to be breached by that second finger. Sobs brokenly when he is. Contracts. Allows himself to concentrate on it. Holds onto Aaron's arm, feels the bicep muscles move underneath the warm skin. Lets it seep into him. Another form in which Robert is filled up by Aaron. He's overflowing. Shaking. He's asking for more. Nods his head. Grinds out, "Aaron, I'm ready." Robert's probably not, but he is certain of what he's craving. 

Aaron doesn't ask for verbal reassurances. It's clear to Robert that the traces of those can be easily found in his expression. That Aaron can read them there and doesn't need to be told. Seems like there might be some advantages to being known after all. 

There's readjusting of positions, of their bodies. They fit together in every posture and Aaron's cock finds its way without any effort. There's no hurry in the way it scrapes against muscles that are somehow both relaxed and tight, but despite that leisure of pace, when it goes ahead, there is still a sense as if it's barging in. The impaling of Robert feels sudden, immeasurable, even ecstatic. His screams definitely are. By the time he has Aaron's dick thrusting into him repeatedly at a steady, eventually increasing pace, he's too lightheaded to make sense of anything. Doesn't have to anymore. Sense was never going to be one of Robert's favorite things by its very nature anyway and it certainly wasn't when this is so much better. At no point does Aaron take his eyes off him and when those blue eyes appear especially intent, absorbing in the effects of hitting a partner's prostate repeatedly, Robert clutches onto Aaron with everything he's got left and climaxes gasping for air. Comes between them unrestrained, like his orgasm is the only response there could be to some impossible demand. Sighs softly when he can finally breathe again and revels in Aaron's additional few thrusts before they are both spent. 

Every single way that Aaron can make him quiver should have scared Robert half to death, if not worse. It doesn't. Because maybe the most petrifying thing about this man – which Robert is slowly, begrudgingly coming to accept with every additional unsuccessful attempt to escape, limit or put an end to things – is that more than anything, Aaron can make Robert tremble with his mere absence.


	7. Chapter 7

Something Aaron has picked up on is that on occasion, Robert Sugden is a bit clumsy. Like a giant who isn't always sure how to take up all the space he occupies. It only comes out here and there, dotting his usual confident, some would say arrogant, behavior. That all transforms during sex. There are no moments of awkwardness between them then. There is no arrogance, either. Aaron is mesmerized sometimes over the flowing wildness of Robert when they're rolling around together, grinding against each other. It's another small item on a slowly growing list of things Aaron treasures having an exclusive access to.

Perhaps that's why it happens one relaxed afternoon, when they're both at Home Farm, with time unlimited, that Aaron tells him. Not why, but with Robert's thigh wrapped snugly around his waist, he somehow comes around to mentioning it. What he's done sexually with Robert and no one else. 

Robert takes it all in. He listens so intently to Aaron that it leaves him baffled. He's heard out lovers before. It's a weird, yet required social norm, listening to people's chatter after they've helped you get off. Robert has grown accustomed to it. He's still fully aware that he's really not that interested in this practice in and of itself. Even with the fiancée, he has to admit he listens to her while also filing away the nuggets of information she provides him for future use. Aaron doesn't talk much, though. Which means when he does, Robert finds himself truly listening. 

He's listening right now and is overwhelmed by an urge to take everything he can off in response, leave no barriers between them. It's particularly baffling since he's already lying there stark naked. He doesn't get it. In place of an answer, he concentrates on kissing collarbones. 

Aaron's laughter bubbles up, free and teasing. "Robert, are you really not going to say anything in return?" 

Robert grins back up at him from the spot where his fingers are fascinated, tracing the thin strip of light falling across Aaron's nipples. "Is this you asking for compliments, then?" 

Aaron snorts and uses a nude thigh to jab at Robert. "Give over, I know you haven't done that with anyone else, either. I can tell what you've done before and what you haven't." 

That declaration should have been like a bomb being dropped between them. Instead, it's a gear turning in a mechanism, falling into place with a small click. Robert's silence isn't tense. It's an admission that he can't deny Aaron. Another one. He's lost score of how many he's relented and made to Aaron over the course of their re-acquaintance. Because that's what this is, isn't it? Them getting to know each other again and again, better and better. Them getting to learn more about themselves, discovering new parts they didn't realize they had in them. Being each other's firsts in this specific way. Looking into Aaron's eyes, seeing the same recognition there, there's a part of Robert that melts. That stops him in his tracks with joy, before he pretends he can't figure any of this out, kissing Aaron deeply instead. With time, there are more and more firsts shared between them. And the bewilderment of firsts turning into regulars. The pleasure of it. 

It becomes increasingly more evident to Robert that he loves bottoming when he's with Aaron, that's he's insatiable for it, really. He can even own up to becoming damn proud of having made that leap for Aaron. He isn't sure when it was exactly that he stopped choosing to run. He is pretty sure that it didn't happen all at once and that at first, he simply replaced that option with the self-conviction that he is in complete control of their times together and that's why there's no need for running. Yet every time he couldn't give up having Aaron, every single time he should have accepted that it's over and instead did everything he could to fight that, he gave some of that control away. There's only so much denying one can do. 

If Robert bit back words of admiration during their first sexual encounter, if he managed to keep from shouting out due to how good it all felt, that was the last instance when he had managed that. In many cases, if they find themselves having to shag in the most unusual of places, it's because Robert no longer trusts himself not to be heard. Only someone who's had sex with Aaron Dingle could possibly understand why Robert considers it a thrilling testament to his will power, that there was even one occurrence when he was successful in holding the storm of sounds and awe at bay. Aaron was his storm. Aaron took all the things that were shoved into a dark, locked closet, set them free and made all the difference in the world. When gazing into Aaron's eyes while making out after another round of sex, Robert know. In the face of such a storm, he never stood a chance.


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It may seem like an abrupt jump, this epilogue, because the end of chapter 7 is nowhere near the end of their affair. I'll admit that it's tempting, to explore that period of time more, to add chapters or a sequel, but the original idea was just concentrating on discoveries and self-expression, about and through the best sex that either Aaron or Robert have ever had. That's why I'm limiting my scope here and I hope you'll enjoy this all the same. Thank you so much to everyone that's been here for this ride, thank you for taking the time to read, to comment and to share your thoughts with me. It was amazing for me to hear from you and I really feel like I can't thank you enough!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And they shall be one flesh._  
>  \- Genesis 2:24

The eve of their second wedding finds them underneath a sky of darkness and stars, giggling like kids. It's against all odds and common sense that they have made it to that moment. What's brought them to this point has included, quite literally, blood, sweat and tears, not to mention other bodily fluids, which Robert cheekily does. So despite all that, maybe because of it, they are naturally heady with it, giggling and kissing, fumbling at each other's suits. Rushing and stopping for a second to catch another whiff, another taste. 'Of my husband', they each think and it punches a particularly sensitive spot in their guts. It's all the more precious for having had those titles before, then having lost them. It slows them down. Makes them gaze into each other's eyes and melt into a drawn out rhythm of undressing each other that reminds them of their dance at their first wedding.

Aaron sinks a kiss onto the skin just above Robert's right collarbone. "Mr. Dingle." 

Robert wraps his husband in his arms, gathering Aaron's nakedness into his own. Kisses the top of his head. "Mr. Sugden." 

They let the sounds of the names carry in the quiet night as they stand, hugging. Unmoving as time itself when they are finally back where they should have always been. One flesh. 

Without even noticing, as it happens so slowly, their hands do start roaming again, of their own accord. Their lips peck briefly, sweetly at more and more patches of skin. A fire is rekindled fully and their bodies move with building urgency, tracing routes familiar and new, wandering with and into each other. They pour every bit of heartache they've suffered into this lovemaking and turn it into the balm for everything they've had to endure. They exchanged promises before witnesses, loving family and friends, but these, right here, these are their true vows to each other. There is a newfound certainty in them that these would not be broken. 

It feels like it lasts an eternity, though in reality it was most likely only a few rounds, a few hours of mutual exploration and rediscovery. The illusion seems apt, however, since that is their ultimate promise to each other. That they are each giving the other man whatever eternity they have in them. 

As they cuddle together afterwards, using their clothes in place of a proper blanket, Robert's content in the embrace of the man he loves. He's longed so much to whisper those words to Aaron again and to feel he's entitled to. His thumb strokes along Aaron's cheek, taking in with awe the smile this elicits, the sparkles that it draws out in his husband's eyes. They seem brighter to him than the lights spread out above them. Aaron moves to kiss Robert's thumb, conveying with this gesture comfort and reassurance, astonished by the turn of events that has led to it being his place again, to provide that for the man who gave him what so many others could never have hoped to. The latest piece in this puzzle is still just the beginning of a dream, a talk they've recently had and will re-visit, soon hopefully. If it will be a girl, Aaron whispered, he liked the name Ara. He hoped she'll have curls. 'Ara', Robert repeated and it was too close to 'Aaron' not to love it right away. 

"I probably knew it on some level since our first night in the garage. At least since then," Robert murmurs, sounding like he's continuing a conversation he's been carrying on with himself for a while now, even as he's directing what he says at Aaron. 

"What?" 

"That I would never be anything but yours."


End file.
